As an admittedly privileged parent of two young girls (ages 4 and 6, to be exact), I have been on a quixotic mission to figure out what the ideal education looks like for this generation: Is it the best prep school money can buy? Homeschooling? Unschooling? Montessori? Waldorf? STEM-led? Boarding school? Charter school? Free online-based Khan Academy or Stanford High for 36k/year? What about the non academic components of extracurriculars, and how does this marry with early studies? More elusive yet has been the question of what early education is supposed to manifest when they reach young adulthood. Is it a ticket to the Ivies? An engineering college? What does that ideal college look like? Fundamentally, how can I as a parent ensure that I have successfully guided my daughters to a juncture where they may take the reigns in the quest for their own self-actualization? Does college even help with that, these days? More still, have I accomplished this enough in my own life to ensure I'm modeling "success" well enough for them? With every question came the growing unease that no school or system seemed to hold the answer, and that I wasn't capable of figuring it out on my end.
Deresiewicz's book has not, unsurprisingly, answered all of these questions. It has, however, provided an excellent trail guide of what to expect at most Ivy League/elite institutions. The book is a much-needed, refreshing spanking of these universities as it speaks to how they've contributed to the morass of society's brilliant but confused and self-congratulatory "leaders." They have indeed bred a group of people who are largely capable but brittle, owing to the lack of time and guidance required to cultivate a sense of self. A lot of books provide great info on how to package and train your child like a show poodle to get into these elite institutions... but few of the authors are standing at the "goal" post explaining the negative consequences of playing the game. All parents I know understand that marching up the mountain sucks, but few like Deresiewicz have critiqued the view at the finish line. Fewer still highlight the obvious: the "finish line" of getting admissions is really just the start.
My only initial criticism was that towards the end, the author came across as a bit like Holden Caufield deriding everything as "phony." Considering he too is shaped and moulded by the same privilege he condemns, it came across as somewhat hypocritical. My initial impression was that Deresiewicz had created a bit of a strawman in imagining this demographic to be so monstrously unlikeable as an easy way to puff it down. It wasn't until I watched the 2014 "20 Questions" video of the author at Harvard that I realized his analysis was spot-on. The panel's tone deaf, ardent defense of the status quo ("why can't investment bankers be soul searchers too," and, "why should professors be responsible in a "no souls left behind" project since we only have 4 years with students?") really proves his point. Scarily still was the audience's uproarious applause. What I first mistook as a disingenuous "not like other Ivy Leaguers"-attitude ended up being actually true: he's not. Moreover, he proved beautifully why this is a good thing, and the heads of Harvard proved why their farts don't smell like roses. The book and subsequent presentation really shook the notion that every parent should endeavor to send their child to such schools. Perhaps it's glib to take the anecdotal soundbites of these video presentations and extrapolate a broader picture, but when I explored these gate keepers of the most prestigious schools, too few of them come across as worthy of emulation.
His book helped me drop my belief that where my children attend school is a reflection of my parenting (and by extension, that the better the school, the better the job I'll have done). While I was before dead set on both children using their college investment as a means to a career, I now align with the belief that it should help them become better people capable of creating a more just world. Instead of implementing a rigorous curriculum with the marker of success being a "5" on their AP tests, I'll be implementing more qualitative benchmarks: how did the material change their broader view? Did any of the material have that "aha" moment of, "this is about me and my place in the world?" I will learn to expose them to failure and comfort them after, rather than doing my best to shield them from it--another U-turn in my parenting philosophy. While it's embarrassing to admit that I did dabble with thoughts of what it means to map a child's future such that they had reasonable assurances of a T20 college admission in today's hyper-competitive environment, this book has convinced me otherwise. I understand why parents engage in this behavior, though, given that it's the safest kind of parenting. I too wanted the assurance that I as their earliest guide in life had led them to a path of success. I now see the fact that this kind of curation is both possible and successful is representation of the system's failures. While I would get that parenting gold star, it would likely be at the expense of my child's own agency--a crucial, yet overlooked thing. Moreover, it's learning the painfully uncomfortable point that what is best for a child--risk taking, failure, and u-turns--is antithetical to getting admissions to a top college. And the former needs to take priority over the latter, every time, Princeton be damned. Having said this, I don't know if an LAC is something worthy of promotion. In light of events like Kieran Battarchariya getting expelled for questioning the existence of microaggressions at UVA, I do worry about universities becoming less tolerant when their version of "truth" gets critiqued by ignorant students who need educating now more than ever; not censoring. It's my deepest hope that amazing schools still serve as a place where students can freely exchange thoughts, ideas, and questions... but the current climate is such that I do not take it as a given.
"Excellent Sheep" is a book that I'll be re-reading over the years. In a sea of pop-psychology parenting books and college guides, I haven't found any to serve as a decent compass. This is one such book. I'm so grateful to the author for not necessarily giving me answers, but, as any good teacher does, teaching me how to ask better questions. Great book and a must-read for any other well-meaning but misguided parent like myself.
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Top reviews from other countries
Bookman Reader
Generations of declining educational standards
Reviewed in France on February 15, 2018
bookowl
Sheepish - keeps pounding the same path
Reviewed in Australia on August 18, 2018